Cyber Pirates, Subpoenas and Unicorns
by rev lady mal
Summary: England's prank goes horribly wrong and America serves a subpoena for pirating copyrighted material.  England, America, cameos by Sweden and Estonia


"Haha! Gotcha!" America shouted with glee as he burst through the door, holding a subpoena in his hand like a shield as he faced a very shocked England.

The other nation flailed with panic and shock as he spun around in his desk chair and faced America. "For fuck's sake you git! Was that really necessary?" England gave out a high-pitched squeak as his heart pounded in his chest. He glared at America, who stood over him holding the paper close to his face.

"Shut up! With this subpoena, I can gather any information from and about you I want! Now, why exactly did you send this email to Liberty Media!" America pulled out a printed copy of the email and thrust it in his face. "Tell me the truth, you have to!"

England blinked and quickly skimmed over the printout of an email. Rolling his eyes he groaned. "Dumbass, That clearly says it's from Sweden."

"Huh?" America gave him a perplexed look. "Sweden? No way! You wrote this!"

England leaned back in his computer chair and crossed his arms. "Clearly you are mistaken, the author of that email states he is from Sweden. What makes you think I wrote it?"

"Because … it says your unicorn told me to go fuck myself!"

"Cheek." England frowned. "Maybe it's Sweden's unicorn, did you ever think of that?"

"Right!" England's unicorn snorted, stomping his hoof for emphasis. "Tell 'im I just said 'go fuck yourself' again!"

"Shush you!" England hissed at an empty corner of the room. "He's right here!"

"Do I look stupid?" America looked around, very confused at England telling empty space to shush. "You did, but it was obvious the writer wasn't from Sweden." He rolled his eyes. "You also mentioned a leprechaun! This is your MO all over the place, England!"

"Sweden might have a leprechaun." England huffed, realizing now maybe he hadn't thought out this prank as well as he thought. "And leprechauns come from Ireland." He certainly couldn't have used Flying Mint Bunny in the email, and the first green creature he had thought of had been a leprechaun. He glared at America and swatted the subpoena out of his face. "Obviously Sweden is trying to confuse you."

"Wait, I thought Sweden had a troll?" America thought they were only rumors, but he had heard that the Nordic country was just as bad as England; talking to imaginary things that weren't there.

"That's Norway, you git!" England groaned. "If you don't mind – "

"I _do_ mind, very much actually." America replied, waving the subpoena in his face again. "Now answer me truthfully, how much money do you owe me? You should have just sent in the money and avoided all this trouble."

"What bloody fool would voluntarily admit they have pirated videos from any website, especially one of yours? You're crazy if you think anyone will actually pay you for what they stole."

"Really? Because, lots of people have been paying up with the amnesty program."

" … Really." England smirked, holding back a snort. Americans were really dumb, if this were true.

"Yeah! It's awesome!" America grinned. "But about this subpoena, which video torrents did you pirate from Liberty Media? Google mail traced the email to you, so don't try to tell me you didn't send it again!"

England frowned. "None. I told you."

America's grin faded. "Eh?"

"You sound like what's his name. You heard me; I didn't download any files from that online video library of yours. None of them suit my tastes."

"Your tastes? What are you talking about? There's lots of good stuff!"

"I understand your confusion America, but I assure you I have no torrents from that website stored anywhere."

"I don't believe you, and I have evidence to prove you are up to something!" America grinned as he continued to wave the subpoena in front of him.

"Go fuck yourself!" The large white unicorn shouted from the corner of the room.

England frowned and gazed at nothing in the corner again. "Be quiet! Such language," he shook his head. "I really don't know where he learnt to say such things."

America's look of concern grew. "Where who learnt – learned such things?"

"Never mind." England's gaze went to seemingly empty space next to America's head, where Flying Mint Bunny hovered over his left shoulder.

The flying creature flew at England's face, making him sit back and stare at him with a goofy grin. "Did you watch Far Cry yet? He ain't gettin his money until you do!" Flying Mint Bunny squeaked.

America followed England's eyes and looked over his own shoulder, but saw nothing there. He began to have that creepy feeling whenever England started talking to his imaginary friends, but was determined to get to the bottom of this.

The Unicorn brayed and shook his white mane. "That movie sucks! Tell the idiot in the glasses he can shove it up-"

"It does _NOT_ suck!" Flying Mint Bunny buzzed around the unicorn's head angrily.

"Quiet! Both of you!" England barked at empty space.

"Uhm … hey, back to this. Do you think I look stupid?" America looked around, very confused at what England kept yelling at. He needed to get England to confess. "You're trying to evade questioning, it won't work. Now, what did you download from Liberty Media? This email says you downloaded lots of stuff and seeded it everywhere!"

England rubbed his face, the Unicorn and flying bunny were giving him a headache with their bickering, and America hounding him made him want a very strong drink. "And I've told you, I did nothing of the sort. There is simply nothing there that interests me."

"He means there's no porn, you four eyed idiot!" The unicorn brayed, stomping his foot. Flying Mint Bunny covered his mouth and laughed, which sounded like more squeaks.

England shot out of his office chair and faced both of them. "Bloody hell, I download more than just porn!" He suddenly became silent when he realized America was staring at him, a look of disgust growing on his face.

"Look old man, I always knew you were a pervert, but do I have to hear about it?" America shook his head, France was right about him. "Whadja do, download some of your sex ed videos?"

"Everybody downloads porn. That's what the Internet is for!" England blurted out.

"I don't!" America lied. "Not everybody's a sicko!"

England faced him, hands on his hips. "There is nothing 'sicko' about pornography. All healthy adults enjoy it."

"Ugh! I don't want to hear any more of this!" America shouted, putting his fingers in his ears. "LALALALALALA I CAN'T HEAR YOU! FLINTSTONES! MEET THE FLINTSTONES!"

England stomped over to him and snatched the subpoena. "Right, enough of this rubbish! Go home America, no crime has been committed here."

"Except you won't watch Far Cry!" Flying Mint Bunny whined. "_Uwe Boll_is the best director ever!"

"I'm fairly certain even Germany thinks he's terrible." England groaned.

"Hey England, why don't you tell America to shove that subpoena up his-"

America snapped. Grabbing handfuls of his hair he stared wide-eyed at England and screamed. "WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU TALKING TO? WHO DOES GERMANY THINK IS TERRIBLE? IS IT YOU BECAUSE YOU HAVE CONVERSATIONS WITH YOURSELF?"

Before England could reply America ran screaming out of the room. He stared at the empty doorway with his mouth open in surprise, the subpoena crumpled in his hand. "Right, another time then."

Sweden entered the room from where he was hiding in the kitchen and glanced at the door America had just used to vacate the house. "D'dn't r'lly th'nk th't one thr'gh, did u?"

The closet door opened and Estonia stepped out, clucking his tongue and stood next to the unicorn. "Really? You used a traceable third party web email client for a prank?" He shook his head. "Fail."

"Sod off." England slumped back into his office chair, forearms resting on his legs.

Author's Note: Inspiration for a short fic with little recognizable plot taken from and article on torrentfreak dot com. Google search 'pirate liberty media unicorn'.


End file.
